Every now and again I get some random gold delivered to my inbox… This is one of them, I did not author below, but since I can not forward the email to you… here it is:
For those of you old enough to remember Red Skelton, I think you will enjoy this e-mail. For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed. Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A re-run of great ‘one liners’ from the man who was known for his clean humor.
I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more. . .
RED SKELTON’S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go out to a nice restaurant, have a little
beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and mine is in
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere
I haven’t been for a long time!” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread
She said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!” So I
bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in
the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, “In the lake.”
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the
garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was ‘Always.’
12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t want to interrupt
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, “What’s on the
I said “Dust!”
I love it . . . these were the good old days when humor didn’t have to
start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun.
And he always ended his programs with the words . . . “God Bless” with a
big smile on his face.
Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you